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Dec 28, 2023

New mom's epic fail: If you take a toddler to a wedding...

Hey everyone. It's been awhile since I've written a personal post -- mostly

Hey everyone. It's been awhile since I've written a personal post -- mostly because my job and toddler have kept me so, so busy!

I feel like I am in the throws of what some people call the "terrible twos." I am literally chasing my daughter everywhere these days.

My toddler, who is almost 2, was supposed to be a flower girl in a wedding last weekend, and it was an epic fail. Here's a recap I believe most parents can relate to. I hope it makes you laugh!

Baby screams when we put her in the car but does very well on the 3.5 hour car ride, only crying for the last 10 minutes of the trip. This is probably because my husband alternately handed her chicken nuggets and toy remotes in the backseat. We arrive at my sister-in-law's house just in time for naptime and to set up the pack-n-play.

Naps in a brand new place = screaming and crying. Baby finally falls asleep on top of me on the guest bed. I have no idea where my phone is or what time it is, but I can't move. I'm not complaining though. The snuggles are so nice.

We both wake up sweaty with bed hair five minutes before it's time to leave for the rehearsal.

I frantically pack the diaper bag and get baby dressed. No idea what I wore.

She screams and kicks as I put her in her car seat.

She spends the entire rehearsal running around a grassy field. All I can do is chase her, barely speaking to the wedding party.

Her cuteness and distracting happy screams prompt (force?) the wedding planner to hand over her notebook and pen so my toddler can scribble.

I look away for five seconds, during which she proceeds to use the black pen to scribble on the white chairs set out for the wedding ceremony.

Then she tries to eat the pen.

Rehearsal is over. I still have no idea how to get her down the aisle or what to do if she refuses.

We drive to the rehearsal dinner. Thank goodness they have a high chair.

I order a cocktail for myself and a milk and cheese Quesadilla for baby.

She knocks my drink over, soaking half the Quesadilla in alcohol. Then she throws the other half on the floor.

Her dinner consists of Gerber puffs and shredded cheese.

By 7:30 p.m., she can't sit anymore. We leave the rehearsal dinner to go home and get ready for bed. I later find out I missed some awesome speeches, including my father-in-law's hilarious song to the groom.

It's wedding day! I play with my daughter and her older cousin on the trampoline, hoping she will take a good nap before the wedding.

She sleeps less than two hours. Eh, could be worse.

We get ready for the wedding. She looks absolutely adorable. I opt to wear huge hoop earrings and heels -- probably not the best decision but when do I ever get to dress up like this?

I also pack a smaller diaper bag with diapers, wipes, puffs, toys, baby food packs, water, remotes, you name it. We're ready.

We arrive at the venue 90 minutes early for family photos. I spend 80 minutes of that pushing her around in her umbrella stroller and chasing her around the field we became so familiar with on Friday.

I notice I have a run in my hose and have almost had my earlobes yanked off twice. She's also pulling on my dress, so I worry I've flashed someone.

We try to practice with the flower girl bucket and rose petals. I look over and she has been so rough with it that nails are falling out! I never thought she would actually carry the bucket down the aisle, and I am starting to wonder if she will even walk (run?) down the aisle at all.

About 10 minutes before the ceremony begins, she has a meltdown because I won't let her run into the woods behind the venue. My husband has set the diaper bag at my chair upon request, so I have no way to distract her or entertain her.

She is screaming so loud minutes before the bride is supposed to walk, so we run inside the building where the wedding party was getting ready.

I have nothing. No water, no phone, no toys. She is still screaming. I ignore the sign and go into the "employees only" kitchen to try to find her some tap water.

I am saved when I discover a television that is connected to Amazon Prime. We turn on Peppa Pig and it's my turn to shed some tears as I miss the entirety of my sister-in-law's special ceremony, which was adorable and personalized with vows, Beatles and Prince music!

Time for the reception. I know we can't stay for the whole thing, but I was hoping to catch the important parts.

Nope. I have time to eat, but it's cold, late and so loud. Again, no high chair, so I keep her in her stroller. Guess who doesn't want to eat anything?

We load her into the car to head home at 8 p.m., less than an hour in, missing the cake, the dancing, the speeches, you name it.

We're both feeling better after a nice sleep. It's time for a quick family brunch before we drive home.

We arrive at the restaurant and I ask for a high chair. Oh no -- there isn't one.

Baby wants to get out of my arms, so I set her down. She takes off running at full speed toward the kitchen!

I grab her just before she runs smack into a waiter. She throws herself on the floor for another temper tantrum.

Cue the tears. I lose it in the middle of the restaurant. I am tired and stressed out and I feel like I missed every part of my sister-in-law's special weekend.

I order a chicken biscuit for baby. Family members feed it to her while she watches, you guessed it, Peppa Pig on a cellphone.